NEW DISCUSSION

Has anyone else out there explored the concept of “twinship transference”?

almost physical antigen/antibody lock that attracted and kept one in the dysfamily

Right on the money, Old FOF. In my opinion there is a highly specific relationship between the exact form of the narcissistic vulnerability exhibited by the recruit and the particular narcissism of the organization-as-founder-writ-large. My working hypothesis is that particular cults attract, I would even say “target,” people with very specific psychological abilities and vulnerabilities

Take the “extended handshake refused” recruitment device. Its ideological purpose was to “deliver a shock to the false personality of the prospective student.” Its practical purpose was to unnerve and cause social discomfort. If the seed of the ideology implanted by prior reading led the recruit to recognize the situation as an emotional test, rather than just offensive social behavior, the recruit was exploitable because he or she had the internal resources to rationalize bad behavior utilizing ideology. The organization wants people who are adept at this. It also screens out people who are so dependent on others’ validation that they became basket cases and fled for the door when their handshakes were refused.

One problem that caused me to linger longer than I should have was related to Veronicapoe’s family of origin topic. I had found a mentor within the Fellowship that I had not found anywhere else in my life. I did not want to lose that relationship, but when all the lights went out for me in the fof, I had no choice but to risk it. Luckily, our friendship was the real deal and my leaving changed nothing.

Thank you Veronicapoe and Old FOF for gently opening the lid on a very powerful subject. I too, have lately been investigating the traces that still remain from that ‘family of origen’. Interesting how for some it was seemingly an invasion of those boundaries and for some it may have been that the boundaries were so wall-like that no one even tried to penetrate them, leaving everyone cut-off from everyone else. Guess it goes to prove that all families are dysfunctional; and then when you have a socio-path / sexual predator as the head of a family, it is no wonder that the fellowship of friends tends to leave a few scars of its own. As if we needed to add to the ones we had already brought with us.
Anyway – thanks again. You folks help energize my efforts as I go about that ‘tree pruning and plant removal’ that Lauralupa’s post from a few days ago spoke about. (Thank you for that one Lauralupa.)

Thanks for another thoughtful and articulate post.

“I guess I just vote “human” these days. ”
“My inclinations … in relation to being a friend … is a qualified, ‘Yes, we can try.’”

Human is good. Kindness is always in order.

I would like to emphasize that my above comments in this area were about a definite thing in scale (lack of boundaries). And not meant as an excuse to be unkind.

If people are leaving they rightfully want to assess their resources. Personally, I always help – or have thus far.

So, and this is probably the wrong forum to say this – both are true. you can be kind and helpful to a hurting and temporarily lost person. And, you can begin to see and work on one’s own boundary issues that were exploited and encouraged by the form of the Fellowship of Friends experience.

Maybe this blog and its progeny, at their best, are examples of this?

Recently, I had indirect contact with a serious current Fellowship student who indicated that almost everyone they knew in their rather large social circle (with a couple of notable exceptions) was making quiet preparations for leaving. That all this was occurring in a relatively hidden manner.

If true, there is a further major exodus in the making. And it would seem likely that the current presentation of the Fellowship of Friends will not be in existence in the not too distant future.

If it seems that I am complaining, well yes, I am complaining and remembering the shit that happened to me. Talk about eating spiders for a long time….I am so glad I am out of there.

Old FOF, Joseph, Veronicapoe, S. Optimist, Traveller, and all thank you for your recent posts.

Old FOF, our experiences in the Fellowship of Friends do vary and the situations you talk about in relation to photographs or boundaries never touched me personally. I was never once photographed. The distance was THAT big. That’s an exaggeration, Robert T. Once did so and told me how all my angles in meetings came from false personality. That was too bad because the angles in meetings were all I ever gave and it was enough, it was all and everything I had and could offer even uninvited until they banned us from even talking in meetings.

The issue of boundaries in the Fellowship of Friends touches the boundaries that were raped on our humanity. The not being able to talk is a huge one because it allowed for the abuse of all other boundaries to go on in silence. The boundary of Robert’s privacy, Girard’s privacy, and the lack of privacy that was imposed on our intimacy by banning our emotions on our families, life people and each other covered with a paint of “king of hearts” interactions that in the long run led to social frigidity in which every abuse is possible and nobody feels anything but the urge to not talk about it so that you don’t disturb their high state. THAT, is the status quo in the Fellowship of Friends today.

Thank you again for exploring this subject.

My inclinations are, in relation to being a friend toward those in the Fellowship of Frinds, on the way out of FoF, or newly separated from FoF, is a qualified, ‘Yes, we can try.’ Being a friend is not entirely dependent upon one side.
Not even both sides. Other things factor in as fate or destiny is beyond a single persons doing.

Here’s something to ponder with:

Bill Withers –
Lean On Me 4:05:
http://www.youtube.com/v/7kTrkpPXYsM

Some times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But, if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.

Lean on me, when your not strong, and I’ll be your friend,
I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t be long, ’till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.

Please, swallow your pride, if I have things you need to borrow. For no one can fill those of your needs, that you won’t let show.

You just call on me brother when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you’ll understand, we all need somebody to lean on.

Lean on me, when your not strong, and I’ll be your friend,
I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t be long, ’till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you’ll understand. We all need someone to lean on

If, there is a load, that you have to bear, that you can’t carry, I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load, if you just call me.

Call me;
if you need a friend.
Call me…